Messy Mom's Club

I stumbled upon an article about Ohio's messiest mom on the internet today. I was afraid to read it because I thought it might be about me! I had a random burst of energy and purpose yesterday. The house was quiet, my husband and baby were napping so I thought it'd be a good time to clean out my bedroom. Isn't it sad that at 25 years old, I have a family, my own home and still manage to trash my room? I don't know if you would say it's trashed, but I like to have all my daily necessities at my disposal without having to pull them out of a drawer or cabinet every morning and evening. I put away my hair supplies, tidied up my dresser, and finally got around to weeding out all of my old clothes in my closet.

The messiest mom had her home organized by the Style network. After they dove into the closet (how they found it, I have no idea) they pulled out over 200 blazers!! That's 200 suit coats! How could you possibly need more than 5, let alone 200!! This story made my think of myself. I think she had a hoarding habit that got out of control. I call myself a pack rat but this goes above and beyond. While I was searching for a home for my commencement regalia, I didn't know if I should just part with the cap and gown and keep the tassle or just keep everything. After all, you never know when I'll want to look back and wear my regalia again... What am I thinking?

Ok, maybe I don't have a hoarding problem, but I think about every little thing that may mean something to me someday and think "I should hang on to this." Where do you draw the line? I keep clothes that I'll never wear again either because they're too big (I always hold on to the smaller ones with a sliver of hope that they'll fit some day soon) or maybe I'll want to wear it next season. Well we all know that's not going to happen. So I broke down and filled a big garbage bag with the ugly orange button up that I hate wearing but is so good to have around when you run out of options. Wait there's that rationalization again...

Throw it out! I have the commencement tassle, pictures and memories. Tons of other shirts to wear... Isn't that enough? I think it's time to rid my life of all the unnessary junk that I keep around just because "someday I'll want/need it" or you may see the messiest Mad Mom on that list next year!

Sad Day: Michael Jackson

There are a mix of emotions I feel when I reflect on the life of Michael Jackson. I think John Mayer put it best by saying "a strand of our cultural DNA has died." It's a profound statement that illustrates exactly what Michael Jackson was to our generation. He transformed popular music the way that Elvis Presley did for the earlier generation. By illustrating the very beat of the music and sculpting a new definition of pop, he became a strand of our cultural DNA. Could you imagine the 80's without Thriller, one sparkly glove and the moon walk?

His choreography and music set the stage and paved the way for nearly every artist in the industry. Think of artists like Justin Timberlake, Usher and Chris Brown. Even alternative bands have covered such tracks as "Smooth Criminal." I think that when we mourn Michael Jackson, we're not only mourning for the person and family for the loss, we're mourning the first time we saw Thriller, perhaps our first concert or audio tape, and the memories that were founded by trying to do the moon walk and the theme of nearly every Halloween party.

It's weird to think that my son will never understand what an impact Michael Jackson had on pop culture. Sure, I say that I see how Elvis transformed music with those gyrating hips, but I don't really know first hand... I couldn't tell you how music was before Elvis first swung his hips on stage but I could tell you how Michael Jackson's music served as a growth chart of sorts. I grew up to his music.

It's sad to think about the brilliant artist he was and how his eccentricities overpowered the illuminate musical genious he once was. I watched a documentary a couple years ago about Michael Jackson. It was very sad. He had been in the spotlight since childhood. No breaks. Never got to grow up. His childlike persona with Neverland Ranch and the slew of accusations against him consumed the man who gave us "Black or White." He's dancing in the stars now. Away from the hurt of fame. Rest in Peace.

10 Years Without Sleep

I have been waiting for this night for 10 years. The night when I sleep at a hotel, all expenses paid, courtesy of my medical insurance. Sounds great, right? Not quite. The reason for this all-inclusive stay-cation is because I've been tired for 10 years.



At first, the doctors said it was sinuses so they gave me a magical spray to spritz up my nose with the hope that my nasal passages would shrink and I'd be able to breathe. That obviously didn't work. Flash forward a couple years and I begin having sever fatigue. So severe that I'd nearly fall asleep in the middle of a conversation with friends at school. "Wow, you really are tired," they'd say as my eyes tried to close and my head jerked back up as if someone yanked me by the ponytail. The fatigue only worsened as my senior year of high school progressed. Where I went to high school, the cool kids got good grades and "overachieved." And there I was falling asleep every chance I got. I almost felt like a narcoleptic but I knew that wasn't the case as there are some different symptoms. It's hard enough to be in high school. It was as if I were falling in with the wrong crowd and partying all night long only to come to school without my homework done and snooze in 7 different rooms a day. That's how I learned the word haggard.

My english teacher called my mom and the questions any concerned teacher would. I wasn't meeting my potential, are there problems at home, is she getting in with a bad crowd? Nope, none of the above. When my mom told me he said I looked haggard, I was SO insulted but only because for some reason this 12 grader taking College Prep English didn't know what the word meant. I was a cheerleader (not the rah-rah type, but a competitive, trophy winning type) and every day I'd come home from school, sleep, go to practice or a game, sleep, go to school the next day and repeat the vicious cycle.

Eventually the falling asleep mid-sentence faded and I just became used to being very tired. I'd sleep for 10-11 hours and have to force myself out of bed. My next shot at getting a diagnosis was a few years ago. I was married, working full time and a full time college student. Even though the problem had been going on for quite some time, they said "you're stressed" and that was that. I was to wait until I graduated from college and had less on my plate to ever feel rested again. This would be understandable if my sleeping pattern had suddenly changed after I took on all these challenges in my life but it didn't. This had been going on far too long to attribute it to stress. Then came the baby... "wait till he's older, then you'll feel better." Again, this would be true if my baby didn't sleep through the night like a little angel since 4 weeks of age.

Now I've graduated from college, make sure I get 7-8 hours of sleep per night, don't have any major stressors in my life to cause me to be so tired. I finally get a sleep study. My mother was diagnosed with sleep apnea a few years ago. I'm convinced that I too suffer from something similar. My family used to tell me that I snore like a freight train.. that was a real confidence booster. Snoring is one of the many symptoms among other things like waking up thinking "why am I holding my breath right now? That's weird..."

Is it bad for me to secretly hope that when my results come back there's something actually wrong with me? I will be so upset if I come back and they say "everything's normal, you're just tired." I'm hoping there's a reason behind my years and years of fatigue so I can get treatment and wake up one day feeling refreshed. A refreshed feeling in the morning is something so rare to me that I can remember the exact date it last happened: December 9, 2007. That was a year and a half ago. Before then, I couldn't even tell you...

Wish me luck tonight. Hopefully in the next 10-15 business days I'll be linking back to this post talking about how I'm so happy to finally have answers!

Good night~