Random Thoughts Tuesday

My kid needs a helmet. How do you think it would look for me to have a helmet on my baby at all times? He bangs his head on everything. He's so wild he sat up (suddenly) and smacked his little forehead right on the changing table. In the bathtub, same thing. "Joshua, sit down.... Joshua, sit down! Sit DOWN, Joshua!" Bonk! Even with my hands braced around him to prevent him from slipping. He stands up, I put him down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Constant. He usually loves bath time but today is another story all around. I put him in the tub. He started screaming as if there were molton lava coming out of the faucet. The water was even on the cool side because it's hot in here. So I splashed around a little to show him that this was indeed the same place he has been to everyother night for the last nine months. It worked. Then out of nowhere, another scream. He shoots up, throws his hands around my neck and looks at me with that "mommy, save me!" look. Great... that phase...

He usually goes to bed pretty good, too. Not tonight. He's up there screaming his little head off. I'll go back up in a few minutes to calm him down, but he's staying up there. He sounds like an angry cat. I used to be able to just give him his bottle or put on his music and he'd be fine. I'm now listening to the sounds of the crib jumping around. How does this super human nine month old baby manage to move the crib? He's a freak of nature. I went up there. Calmed him down. He immediately blew his nose on my shirt... The second I walked away, he was screaming again.

Wait, it's quiet now... (KNOCK ON WOOD!)

Did you child go through this "mommy, I need you" phase? How long did it last? What are some ways to ease the neediness (if there even are any)?

Hide Your Children! Videos From the 80s Are On!

I warn you: If you are pregnant, have a heart condition or are freaked out by Herbie Hancock videos, please look away now and read a more enlightening post like "Whose Boobs Are These?"

I was sitting in my quiet house, yes, it was in fact quiet for once. Out of the living room comes a familiar yet horrifying sound. I run into the living room to see what the hell channel was playing this terrifying musical disaster. It was the Weather Channel. I couldn't believe it. Rockit by Herbie Hancock was playing while our Local on the 8's forecasts scrolled the screen. When did the Weather Channel replace their calming elevator music with perhaps the most frightening song ever written?

This fear of Herbie Hancock developed early in my childhood. My parents had a new VCR. Yes, new VCR is an oxymoron in 2009. Anyway, they liked to record MTV since it was so new. Wow, I'm really aging myself here. I danced around to vairous musical tunes throughout my early childhood. Such gems as The Pointer Sisters' Neutron Dance (my whole life I thought it was "new time dance," hey I was like 4 cut me some slack), Sheena Easton's Strut, and The Heat is On from the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack. Other still popular songs included All She Wants to Do is Dance and Madonna's Like a Virgin.

My sister and I'd dance around to these videos for hours and we'd beg my mom and dad to watch the "videos tape." There was one video in particular that freaked me out. As soon as the music started, even if I wasn't in the room, the first freakish sound would send me crying to my mommy. Have you ever seen the video for Rockit? It's disturbing and my dad thought it was hilarious that I was so freaked out by this. The "people" are all mechanical robot looking things. And then there are these legs. OH MY GOD the LEGS! UGH that was the worst part! They just walk around the room by themselves and kick and it's so frightening.

My parents still have a VCR and on my 20th birthday (which sadly doesn't even seem that long ago) my dad popped it in. My boyfriend, now husband, was there. The songs were playing in the background during dinner. Kind of had a little flashback night. It was great... until... Rockit came on! Just as I did 15 years or so before that, I ran and hid behind the wall in the other room so I couldn't see those freakish legs kicking away to that horrifying beat.

I was unable to embed the video, but I included the link here so you could see. Watch at your own risk. Perhaps I'm just holding on to my fears from childhood, but you'd have to admit, this would freak any kid out!

Rockit Video that creaps me out!

What are your thoughts? Is there anything that really freaked you out as a child - or maybe still does?

Letter From the Cook

Dear Husband Who Will Never Read This,

I am 99% certain you will never see this post that is why I chose to vent here, to my beloved readers, so I don't explode in your face over something seemingly small.

When I cook dinner, please at least give me some inkling of a hint that it was appreciated. I know that you don't mind that I don't cook everyday, but when I do it would be great if I could get a "thanks, that was good." Even if it wasn't. Just lie. Lie through your teeth.

When you come home from work in the evening and Joshua is screaming his little head off because I'm preparing your meal and not playing with him, please feel free to take him up to bed. You get home at 8:00 from work, which is perfect timing for a trip up to bed. You're going up to shower anyway, can't you take the baby with you?

I'm yelling "Joshua, no!" for a reason. This is because he likes to play in the coffee filters, canned goods, pots, pans, etc. He's even been in the potato bag today. When I'm running from the counter to chop the onion then washing my hands to grab the baby before he puts a dust bunny he found somewhere in his mouth, please say "it's time for bed, don't worry, I'll take him up." That would be grand.

When I yell up that dinner is ready (which is honestly 10 minutes before it's actually ready because I know you will do this), please respond audibly. So I can hear you. If you're upstairs, don't shake your head. Don't wait 3 minutes and then answer because by then I'll have forgotten what I asked you when you say "ok."

Five minutes later when I tell you that dinner is ready, please come down. Please make the effort to remove your eyeballs that are seemingly glued to ESPN and pry your buttcheeks off the couch to come devour my fabulous meal I worked so hard on.

One minute after that, please don't get an attitude with me when I get pissy because I've been telling you that dinner is ready four thousand times.

I don't cook dinner because I feel like I have to. I cook dinner because I want to do something for you. Please take a second to consider that.

There will be a quiz. No open notes.

Love,

The Cook
aka Your Wife