That One Time I Traumatized My Baby

It was a odd summer morning. I was in my usual morning fog. That "I-still-need-a-few-more-hours-of-sleep" fog. But I got up, got myself ready, grabbed the baby and headed out the door. The sun hadn't come up quite yet so it was just dim enough to need your headlights on. It wasn't exactly drizzling. More like spitting. I think of it as just enough water to come out of the sky to compare to that time the guy with food in his mouth was talking to you and you were sprayed with little bits of pre-masticated food. This whole summer has been odd. Oddly and unseasonably cool. In Cleveland we usually get enough good pool days before August, but not this year.

I got to my sitter's house, parked the car, got out, went to open the back door. Crap. It's locked. Go back to the front door. Crap. That's locked too. CRAP! The baby's still in the car! Oh. My. God!

I walk calmly up to the front door, to be greated by my always cheerful babysitter. As I'm making my way up the walk I keep checking back. It's a very quiet neighborhood and it's very unlikely anyone would break into the car just because there's a baby in it. I, seemingly very calm, looked at my sitter. I must have had that look puppies get when they know they've done something bad. If I had a tail, it'd be between my legs.

"Can I use your phone? I locked the baby in the car." Of course as I'm spewing this inconceivably hard to imagine situation out of my mouth, I see my sitter's husband is home. Luckily, I've known Tina and her family for over 20 years. She had the pleasure (haha right) of watching me and my two sisters when we were young. I am so blessed that Josh will have the same care that I had.

Anyway. I call my husband. No answer. I call my mother. Of course she answered but I knew what I'd have started at that point. As soon as I utter the words "Baby is still in the car," I swear I think I gave her a heart attack. She was her usual frantic self and I knew she would be all day long. But that's just because she's my mother and that's her grandson locked in there. Another mom pulls up as Tina's husband is checking to see if he can get the doors open. Great. Another witness to my stupidity. I felt like anyone who knew would think "wow, she should have never had kids," or "feel bad for that baby with a mother like that." Ok, I know I'm exaggerating, but that's exactly what I felt!

We called the cops and I explained to them that I had my son locked in the car. They came about ten minutes later. Meanwhile my mother is calling Tina, frantic of course because I locked her grandson in the car. Luckily, as I had mentioned, it was a cool drizzly morning. I waited out next to the car under an umbrella just looking into the car hopelessly. The baby would look back and me and give a good complaining wail. "Waaaahhhhhh!!!" The look on his face clearly said "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE!? GET ME OUT OF THE DAMN CAR!!!" Clearly.

So to end my story, I'll let you know that Josh was safe and sound when the policeman unlocked the door. I pulled him out of the car and hugged him and made sure that in those 20 minutes he didn't some how injure himself or cry himself into hysteria. The police officer said- "Oh, I didn't know there was a baby in there." Seriously? Now I know how miscommunications in law enforcement could alter the result of an emergency. What if it were a day like today? It was 80 degrees when I dropped him off.

Now anytime I put Josh in the car, buckle him in and we're ready to go. He screams. The. Whole. Way. There. Do you think I could have traumatized him? The screaming and crying and carrying on didn't start until a couple weeks after that horrifying incident, but maybe I enduced Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder on him!

Mother of the Year

Drained...

Drained... of everything... When you're a mom, actually even when you're not a mom, you're drained. Life goes so fast, we get through one day, just to get through another. When do we take a time out and stop. You work for money, you make money to live, you live to... what do you live for? Your children? You need to work for money to live for your children. The circle continues.

The expenses of motherhood are quickly catching up with me. Going through way more formula, the 75 cent step 3 foods twice a day. Cheerios. Damn expensive Gerber Graduates (seriously, they're like $4 for a couple handfuls of stuff). Box of diapers twice a week. Babysitter. Clothes. The list just keeps going. We live comfortably, but there's always room for more income, especially when you have a family. Luckily I have a great job where I have the opportunity to earn bonus pay- so the more work I do, the more I make. Great. I'm a work-a-holic.

Work from home, work on weekends here and there, work early. Never stay late! Thanks to childcare I need to get out at a reasonable time to get the bambino. But still, I've been working very hard lately. I have a descent salary. But I still can't wait for that bonus. All the extra resources, such as time and energy are put toward earning that extra income. That leaves little time and energy to spend that extra income. You'd think. Amazing how fast it goes.

I'm trying to get a little nest egg built up because I will soon have to pay off my Godforsaken student loans. This little nest egg is a nice little cushion to pad me from financial dispair when I'm paying back the sickening amounts of money to the federal government financial aid people. Bastards. It's great that everyone has the opportunity to go to college with federal money, but they seriously expect someone just out of college, who has a family and a mortgage in this economy to pay $400 a month in student loans? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I worked so hard for my education, and now I'm going to be working hard to pay off that education. Nevermind that I have a child to feed. Nevermind that maybe I'd like to spend some of my hard earned money on something I might like for myself.

Drained... financially, physically, emotionally, and now socially.

I've been feeling awefully detached from reality lately. That's a whole other blog post... I feel like I'm closed into this tiny little Mad Mom world or work and home, work and home. Don't get to be with my girlfriends much- I always have something to do... I enjoy myself when I get out and enjoy the people that I'm with but it's hard to find time for even my best friends and my family.

Eh, I don't know... thanks for listening to me vent. Your comments always cheer me up....

Babysitter!?

Before I was a mom, I could make plans on a whim, come and go as I please... not so much anymore. There have been a time or two where we didn't have someone to watch our little guy. Those plans were given up without a second thought.

This time, we bought tickets to my team's Relay for Life fundraiser event. The other times, no money was spent and it wasn't an event I was involved in. The weeks fly by and it comes down to 5 days before the big event- NO BABYSITTER?! How could I have forgotten? What, did I think Josh would just sit in the car while we go party? I see Baby everyday and didn't even think about him when it came time for daddy and I to go out.

Is this normal? To just forget about your child? My guilt is just the precursor to my panic- NO BABYSITTER! We've bought the tickets, I have the dress, plans are made... What will I do with Baby? This is the first time we've ever had this problem. Both sets of parents have plans, sisters are busy, and ALL of our friends will be at the event.

Luckily, my husband's friend (who has told us in the past to get out and let him babysit) was available for Baby-duty. Thank GOD! I could use the excuse that we don't get out that often because we have a new baby- but no one would believe that for an instant. Baby spends the night at Grandma's at least twice a month.

This babysitter dilema leads me to examine my parenting a little further. My mother-in-law had just watched Baby this past weekend. I can't expect her to watch him again. My mom just had Baby overnight the weekend before that. Though they love his company and never oppose the idea of having their grandson all to themselves, are they just enabling me? I guess my husband and I go out quite often. Most people would snear and roll their eyes at a young mom who just wants to party. People probably think I should want to be home and miss my baby all the time.

I think not. Yeah, I know, I'm 25, I have a baby, I should be responsible... blah, blah, blah. You're right, but I also need to be 25! These days won't be here for long. Sure it's important to be at home with your baby and make sure you don't miss anything as they're going up... What will I miss in 6 hours that I haven't seen already?

Going into motherhood, I expected to feel very overwhelmed by the baby. His needs, his wants, his cries, his diapers, his stuff all over the house. Luckily, I married a man who takes care of most of that. He does a good job sharing the responsibilities with me. I'm a lucky girl. But, now that I am a mom, I don't feel the slightest bit overwhelmed by my baby - just everything else going on in my life. Sure there are days when I could stay late at work to finish something up. But I don't want to, I'd rather get home to spend time with Baby. There are other times when I could leave in the morning and not save a few minutes for play time, but I don't. It's amazing how your life changes so much in that instant when the baby is born, but in the same sense, the change is so natural, I hardly notice it.

I make time for things that I want (but mostly NEED) to do, but the time that I make with Josh isn't scheduled. I don't feel like I need to set aside 2 hours of play time a night, then 30 minutes for a bath, etc. If you knew me, you'd know I'm definitely not that organized! Much to my suprise, he's the one thing in my life that I don't worry about not getting enough of. Because I know I will.

So how could I forget about him? Is it because I'm relying too much on the grandma's to come to my rescue when I need (or want) a night out?

The picture that goes along with this post says 1000 words about what happened last time mommy went out... nuf said.