Thursday, August 27, 2009

Wardrobe Malfunction

One thing you have to accept as a mother is that your wardrobe is an extension of necessities carried in your diaper bag. Then there are the absentminded times when you just don't care.

A few weeks ago, it was sunny and beautiful outside- a great day to take Josh to the playground. He just loves those baby swings! We live fairly close to the park, so I just load him up in the stroller and off we go! I was feeling particularly skinny that day. There were a couple sun dresses I hadn't worn since my vacation in Punta Cana so I decided to throw one on and show off my MILF self. Then the wind started to blow. Picture a Mad Mom strolling her baby through the neighborhood then, WOOSH, up goes the dress. And this was a grannie panties kind of day. I wasn't even wearing anything underneath that I could be proud of. I thought for sure that was a fluke. How could wind blow upward anyway?

Then the next gust, then a constant breeze. Nice. I resorted to bunching up my dress and holding it against my leg in one hand, and steering the stroller with the other. Good thing my husband was meeting us at the playground after work and would DRIVE us home.

Then there was the time I wore my nasty shorts to the store. Everyone has them. Those nasty, worn out, dingy looking shorts. You've had them since high school so they're nice and broken in. And since they fit on your ever-so-slender rear end in high school, you of course must wear them now- just because they fit. This particular pair, straight from my cheerleading days (aaakk!) has developed a couple holes in the seem of the butt crack. I only wear them around house where I dont care who sees my undies (or grannie panties depending on the day). Well, I had been home for a while and my husband just got home from work. I needed to run up to the store really quick for those last minute necessities. Totally wore the holy pants. Big. Giganic. Hole. In my ass. How embarrassing...

Other awesome wardrobe malfunctions:

My t-shirt serves as a tissue
Is that POOP? Nuff said...
White blouse became a napkin on spaghetti night. Forgot until I wore it to work... at least the stain was barely visable by then...
Got dressed for company THEN burped the baby... bad idea
Had a baby washcloth hanging out my pant leg one day