Friday, May 29, 2009

Too Many Hats

After a nearly two week hiatus I'm back. You'd think that I'd come back from a beautiful tropical place like Punta Cana all inspired... That's not the case. I'm tired. Being away from my baby for six days really takes a toll on the whole family.

Vacation was amazing. We didn't have the best weather but it was still the perfect opportunity for me to do absolutely nothing but lay around on the beach for six days. The only problem with vacation is coming back to reality. Not only did I leave my family for six days, but my cube at work was also lacking a Mad Mom.

This is where life gets a little tricky. As women, we feel responsible for everything. It's our nature. Our families, careers, education, community, church, schools, etc. Each of these institutions requires something a little different. As a mom I need to make sure I can use the booger-sucker extra quick so the little guy won't throw a tantrum. As a student I have responsibilities to my team mates to do group papers. And the selection of hats from small and cute, to large, heavy, and boring.

I came home from a long day at work this week with a folder full of work that I thought I'd be able to get done at home. Guess again. I put the baby on the floor next to my desk thinking "Ok, you play here and I'll work." Every time I looked away he'd scoot away (not quite crawling) and yell and beg for my attention. Perhaps this is what I get for being away from him for six days. I just can't play now. He needed to be quiet so I could get things done. If I didn't, my commission would be very tiny making life even more difficult. I shooshed him, and gave him toys but nothing worked. He just wanted me.

With all of the work I had to get done, and the schoolwork I needed to catch up on there was no time for the mommy hat. I just wanted to leave the house and get away from being constantly in demand. When I realized that is what I was thinking, that's when I stopped.

The mommy hat never comes off. This hat is permanently attached to our heads. Mommy's don't get vacation or sick days or peace and quiet. I started to feel guilty. I'm letting my other hats get all of my attention. All my baby wanted was to be with his mommy. How could I not love that?

I took a step back. Packed up my work. And sat on the floor next to the little one. His face lit up. That made it all disappear. All of that stress. All of my other hats were weighing me down. I needed to take them off and let the mommy hat take over for a while. I find that when I do this, I feel like a better mother. Of course there's always something else that we have going on whether it be college, work, or mounting bills, but taking a breath and thinking about how special that baby is turns it all around.

Put it all on the back burner for a minute. Just give your child(ren) the attention they demand and soak up each and every minute of it. They're not this young forever!