Drained...

Drained... of everything... When you're a mom, actually even when you're not a mom, you're drained. Life goes so fast, we get through one day, just to get through another. When do we take a time out and stop. You work for money, you make money to live, you live to... what do you live for? Your children? You need to work for money to live for your children. The circle continues.

The expenses of motherhood are quickly catching up with me. Going through way more formula, the 75 cent step 3 foods twice a day. Cheerios. Damn expensive Gerber Graduates (seriously, they're like $4 for a couple handfuls of stuff). Box of diapers twice a week. Babysitter. Clothes. The list just keeps going. We live comfortably, but there's always room for more income, especially when you have a family. Luckily I have a great job where I have the opportunity to earn bonus pay- so the more work I do, the more I make. Great. I'm a work-a-holic.

Work from home, work on weekends here and there, work early. Never stay late! Thanks to childcare I need to get out at a reasonable time to get the bambino. But still, I've been working very hard lately. I have a descent salary. But I still can't wait for that bonus. All the extra resources, such as time and energy are put toward earning that extra income. That leaves little time and energy to spend that extra income. You'd think. Amazing how fast it goes.

I'm trying to get a little nest egg built up because I will soon have to pay off my Godforsaken student loans. This little nest egg is a nice little cushion to pad me from financial dispair when I'm paying back the sickening amounts of money to the federal government financial aid people. Bastards. It's great that everyone has the opportunity to go to college with federal money, but they seriously expect someone just out of college, who has a family and a mortgage in this economy to pay $400 a month in student loans? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I worked so hard for my education, and now I'm going to be working hard to pay off that education. Nevermind that I have a child to feed. Nevermind that maybe I'd like to spend some of my hard earned money on something I might like for myself.

Drained... financially, physically, emotionally, and now socially.

I've been feeling awefully detached from reality lately. That's a whole other blog post... I feel like I'm closed into this tiny little Mad Mom world or work and home, work and home. Don't get to be with my girlfriends much- I always have something to do... I enjoy myself when I get out and enjoy the people that I'm with but it's hard to find time for even my best friends and my family.

Eh, I don't know... thanks for listening to me vent. Your comments always cheer me up....

Too Many Hats

After a nearly two week hiatus I'm back. You'd think that I'd come back from a beautiful tropical place like Punta Cana all inspired... That's not the case. I'm tired. Being away from my baby for six days really takes a toll on the whole family.


Vacation was amazing. We didn't have the best weather but it was still the perfect opportunity for me to do absolutely nothing but lay around on the beach for six days. The only problem with vacation is coming back to reality. Not only did I leave my family for six days, but my cube at work was also lacking a Mad Mom.

This is where life gets a little tricky. As women, we feel responsible for everything. It's our nature. Our families, careers, education, community, church, schools, etc. Each of these institutions requires something a little different. As a mom I need to make sure I can use the booger-sucker extra quick so the little guy won't throw a tantrum. As a student I have responsibilities to my team mates to do group papers. And the selection of hats from small and cute, to large, heavy, and boring.

I came home from a long day at work this week with a folder full of work that I thought I'd be able to get done at home. Guess again. I put the baby on the floor next to my desk thinking "Ok, you play here and I'll work." Every time I looked away he'd scoot away (not quite crawling) and yell and beg for my attention. Perhaps this is what I get for being away from him for six days. I just can't play now. He needed to be quiet so I could get things done. If I didn't, my commission would be very tiny making life even more difficult. I shooshed him, and gave him toys but nothing worked. He just wanted me.

With all of the work I had to get done, and the schoolwork I needed to catch up on there was no time for the mommy hat. I just wanted to leave the house and get away from being constantly in demand. When I realized that is what I was thinking, that's when I stopped.

The mommy hat never comes off. This hat is permanently attached to our heads. Mommy's don't get vacation or sick days or peace and quiet. I started to feel guilty. I'm letting my other hats get all of my attention. All my baby wanted was to be with his mommy. How could I not love that?

I took a step back. Packed up my work. And sat on the floor next to the little one. His face lit up. That made it all disappear. All of that stress. All of my other hats were weighing me down. I needed to take them off and let the mommy hat take over for a while. I find that when I do this, I feel like a better mother. Of course there's always something else that we have going on whether it be college, work, or mounting bills, but taking a breath and thinking about how special that baby is turns it all around.

Put it all on the back burner for a minute. Just give your child(ren) the attention they demand and soak up each and every minute of it. They're not this young forever!