Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Hormones are the worst. Starting at the delicate age of about 12, us women become ruthless monsters. All thanks to hormones.

These chemicals change and make me so emotional sometimes. When I was getting married, I would be driving in my car and think about my friends and how much we've gone through together over the years, now they're in my wedding, and blah blah blah... I'd cry. Yes, just the thought of happiness, made me cry tears of joy out of nowhere. Then the whole changing of the name thing was just too much for me. I built an identity on my maiden name and now I have to change it?! I wanted to change it, but I had to have a breakdown first.

Then I got pregnant. Need I say more? Ok, then I'll on. The first trimester wasn't bad. Toward my 14th or 15th week, those crazy juices started flowing. Pop music fans- remember that song "Piece of Me" by Britney Spears? Well the lyrics are about how she can't do anything without it ending up in the tabloids. I know, PUH-LEASE. Riding in the car, the song would come on and the part of the song would come on and I'd just get so sad for Britney! **Insert crazy guy crying "Leave Britney alone!" here**

"I'm mrs she's too big, now she's too thin." That lyric got me every time. I would think about my massive rear end I'm sitting on and how horrible it would be for the public to point it out and headline it on People and OK! and the rest of the tabloids. Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a pitty party for Britney Spears, I was crying (yes, I shed a tear to this song) because my hormones were raging out of control!

I would sob and sob and sob during my second trimester. Nearly everything would turn me into a raging, psychopathic bitch or a crying, bumbling idiot who needed a hug. That went strong until about 30 weeks into my pregnancy. Then it shut off. I was getting ready. Nesting, being in control.

Then I got to my baby shower. Blaring "Move bitch get out the way" (a la Ludacris - yes it was that kind of move), I sped to my shower. Singing along "move bitch," my big, huge 8 and a half month pregnant self got to the parking lot, after holding it back the whole way, and started to sob. "I can't believe I'm having a baby!" Seriously, picture this singing Ludacris... they let me have a baby. HA!

What are some of your fun stories you can blame on your hormones? Does it ever work? Do you ever verbally knock your man's lights out and get away with it because you're feeling "bitchy?" C'mon tell!!