Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Six-Pack Super Model

Ok ladies- if you're squeemish or don't like to talk about the "S" word then I warn you to turn away now. No, I won't get into gory details but if you don't like it don't say I didn't warn you!

Let's face it ladies, we can dream about how relationships are built on love and trust and all that mushy crap, but when you get right down to it, you need more than love to keep a relationship strong. Unfortunately, men need sex. Its like a natural instinct or something. They need to fulfill that macho animal in their DNA at least once a week or we women will never hear the end of it until we just give in! Maybe you're one of those rare couples who do it all the time. Maybe you do it less than once a week. Either way men are never satisfied. They always seem to need it more than they're getting it.

Lately we've been in the less than once a week category- actually longer than lately, more like for the passed couple years. My sex drive is nearly non-existent. I could go months without if I was able. I'm sure you all know how happy that makes the hubby! Its less than once a week only if I haven't had a drink in that long.

For whatever reason I turn into what I call a Six-Pack Super Model after a couple glasses of wine or a few beers. My husband started saying things that made me think like "you only want me when you're drinking." He started to actually think that I only found him attractive through my beer goggles. "That's insane," I'd tell him. He's a very attractive man. Very sweet and kind, too. So how could he even think that the reason I want him after a couple cocktails is because of a lack of physical attraction to him?

I call this inner-diva alter ego the Six-Pack Super Model because that's how I feel. You know that feeling of self-confidence you have when you've had a couple of really good martinis or a couple nice cold Miller Lites. That's what it is. You're the most beautiful girl in the room, strong, sexy, confident. You look in the mirror and see this more attractive version of yourself. Suddenly, the beer you drank helped you lose 20 pounds, made your hair look perfect, perked your sagging boobs up, and even made your outfit look better than it did when you left. THIS is, sadly, the real reason women feel the need to embrace their inner sex-goddess after a few drinks. Not because the men look better. No guys - its not all about you!

How can we help this Six-Pack Super Model appear without the six pack? The first thing I would suggest is focusing on you. Too often when we try to "spice" things up, especially in the bedroom, we immediately think of things that make us feel less comfortable than we did to begin with. Whipped cream, hand cuffs, and blindfolds are not my idea of spicing things up. After the physical realities of human gestation and child birth reared its ugly head in the form of stretchmarks and sagging, the last thing I want to do is be blindfold so I can't see you examining my deformed body (or at least that's why my subconscious thinks is happening). The first step in bringing out our inner super model is becoming more comfortable with our bodies. My husband is uber supportive and still to this day, after seeing my body transform from slim and young to carrying an eleven pound baby to what it is today, he still thinks I'm beautiful. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I need those little reminders of how attractive I am. Not sexy- you can call me sexy all you want. I don't want to be sexy, I want to be beautiful.

Are you a Six-Pack Super Model? Does you feel so self-conscious that you can't even be comfortable with your own husband or partner? I feel for you. You're not alone. My husband thinks it's not normal that I'm so embarrassed or shy of my own body, but he has no idea. I think I'm pretty normal.

Wordless Wednesday: Going, Going, Gone

This is a marvelous drink called a Miami Vice - one of many while in Punta Cana...

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Top Ten Reasons I'm Excited to Stay Home With My Family This Coming Weekend

There are so many reason! I will have to try to narrow it down! We spend so much time away from home that getting a weekend at home is like a treat!

10. It's FREE - how can you beat that?
9. Baby is saying "mama" now. I can't hear it enough - a whole weekend's worth will be fantastic!
8. Get the grocery shopping done (as opposed to stopping at the store 50 times during the week). AWESOME custom list generator with Cozi - Wooo drag and drop. Can't get easier than that!
7. I can hide this goose egg of a misquito bite that I have on my forehead. (even my neighbor said "that's huge!")
6. Get around to finally doing those cute little baby foot prints and hand prints stamps (8 months later)
5. We can relax in our jammies and have breakfast for dinner!
4. Grandma's will get a break from babysitting - Wonder what they're top 10 reasons they're excited Mad Mom is staying home with her family are... :)
3. My favorite memories as a child were those nights we'd all stay in and get munchies (particularly cheesies) and watch TV together. Maybe baby is too young for a pajama party but we can try! I'm gonna get more Gerber Rice Puffs and a Disney movie or two!
2.Eight months has flown by and I cherish the weekends we get to spend together.

...and the number one reason I can't wait to stay home with my family this weekend...

1. Eight months have gone fast. I remember when I was in 6th grade they would post our class lists at school and we'd go up there every summer to see who was in our class next year. When I got out of the car I told my dad to "go away" and it really hurt his feelings because I didn't "want to be seen with my daddy." I know that some day baby won't want mom around all the time, and won't want me to be giving him kisses and hugs. I have to take it all in while I can. My friend had her baby yesterday. To look at his little picture and think about how far away those days seem even though they were only 8 months ago makes me sad.

Stop. Live life. Love your family.

Now everyone, PLEASE leave me comments!!!!!


Well, maybe not "beatle" exactly... I went outside to chill with the neighbors. Got a big ol' glass of Riesling to cure my pissy mood. Drank, drank some more. Halfway through the glass I decide I better go in because the mosquitoes are having a Mad Mom smorgasbord. Get in side, take a couple more swigs. The lights are off. The TV hits the glass in just the right light. FREAKING MISQUITO IN MY WINE!!!

So, do I dump the oh so delicious stress buster, or skim the bug out and keep on drinkin? It's sad that this is such a dilemma...

"black fly in your chardonay...."


Drained... of everything... When you're a mom, actually even when you're not a mom, you're drained. Life goes so fast, we get through one day, just to get through another. When do we take a time out and stop. You work for money, you make money to live, you live to... what do you live for? Your children? You need to work for money to live for your children. The circle continues.

The expenses of motherhood are quickly catching up with me. Going through way more formula, the 75 cent step 3 foods twice a day. Cheerios. Damn expensive Gerber Graduates (seriously, they're like $4 for a couple handfuls of stuff). Box of diapers twice a week. Babysitter. Clothes. The list just keeps going. We live comfortably, but there's always room for more income, especially when you have a family. Luckily I have a great job where I have the opportunity to earn bonus pay- so the more work I do, the more I make. Great. I'm a work-a-holic.

Work from home, work on weekends here and there, work early. Never stay late! Thanks to childcare I need to get out at a reasonable time to get the bambino. But still, I've been working very hard lately. I have a descent salary. But I still can't wait for that bonus. All the extra resources, such as time and energy are put toward earning that extra income. That leaves little time and energy to spend that extra income. You'd think. Amazing how fast it goes.

I'm trying to get a little nest egg built up because I will soon have to pay off my Godforsaken student loans. This little nest egg is a nice little cushion to pad me from financial dispair when I'm paying back the sickening amounts of money to the federal government financial aid people. Bastards. It's great that everyone has the opportunity to go to college with federal money, but they seriously expect someone just out of college, who has a family and a mortgage in this economy to pay $400 a month in student loans? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I worked so hard for my education, and now I'm going to be working hard to pay off that education. Nevermind that I have a child to feed. Nevermind that maybe I'd like to spend some of my hard earned money on something I might like for myself.

Drained... financially, physically, emotionally, and now socially.

I've been feeling awefully detached from reality lately. That's a whole other blog post... I feel like I'm closed into this tiny little Mad Mom world or work and home, work and home. Don't get to be with my girlfriends much- I always have something to do... I enjoy myself when I get out and enjoy the people that I'm with but it's hard to find time for even my best friends and my family.

Eh, I don't know... thanks for listening to me vent. Your comments always cheer me up....

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Random Thoughts Tuesday

I visited Momspective today to read her random thoughts. They were very random and I enjoyed the randomness so much I thought I'd partake. Sinc e I seem to be scraping for inspiration lately on just about everything, these blog/Twitter nuances really help me find some material! The baby's napping so I'm unwinding now and will let my ADD run wild for a few minutes. Enjoy!

At the beginning of this post I accidentally titled it "Random Thoughts Thursday." Then I was sad that it's not Thursday, it's only Tuesday :( I've been working a lot lately. Going in early, coming home late, working from home. I'm not complaining, I guess it's good job security (which we all need right now). The baby was sleeping when I came home. Is it bad of me to hope that he sleeps just a little longer? I miss him, I want to play with him, but right now I just need to chill. *Enter loud clap of thunder* yeah, rain. Thanks for that... please don't wake the baby!

I just need a "me" day. I'm so busy doing things for and with everyone else, I don't have enough time to just be by myself, enjoying what I like to do. Every weekend is jam packed with action from wedding showers and grad parties to mud volleyball and getting together with friends. I love the time I get to spend when I'm with my family and friends. We're always laughing and having a good time but by Sunday night, I'm ready for a night off. Not only does it exhaust me, it gets my little guy off his routine.

I feel like I've been really lax on the routine thing lately. Bed time has been about the same, same meal time... I guess everything has been right on schedule. It just feels like I'm rushing through the days just to get them over with because I want to get to that one day off! I need to schedule a day. Just. For. Me. Mani, pedi, shop, layout in the sun, maybe get my haircut. An all day Mad Mom pamper-a-thon... wait... I have pamper-a-thons everyday... I mean an all day Mad Mom Indugle-fest! My husband wonders why I take such loooong showers. Well, that's the only place I get to be alone. Sure I drive home from work by myself. That doesn't count because there are all kinds of crazy a-holes on the road trying to make me spew out curse words. The shower is quiet. The sound of the water is relaxing. I can just veg.

Speaking of veg, I haven't been eating many veggies lately. That probably attributes to the fact that I feel so run down. You know that feeling like you're just weighed down by all the processed crap you eat all the time? That's the one. Maybe if I make time for more veggies, I'll feel a little lighter... if only it were that easy. If I ate more veggies, that'd mean I'd probably have to cook them and make something else to eat them with... I like to cook but my counter space consists of about 3 square feet. Not chef friendly.

Well, this post could be about five times longer, but I'll spare your eyeballs from having to read all that... and make you beg for more by stopping here! Don't worry. I have plenty of random thoughts to last me the life of this blog...

...and the baby just got up...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

That Moment...

You know that moment... That moment when you finally realize how much this baby is going to change your life? Sure you look at the positive pregnancy test and know you're going to have a baby. You quit smoking, order a water at happy hour *sigh*, sleep on your back and start embracing your new bod. You deal with it and move on to buy baby clothes, nursery furniture and bottles but there's that one moment. That one thing that makes you realize "I'm actually going to have a baby."

For me, that moment was the day I traded in my sporty two-door for my mommy-mobile. It was a sad, sad day. We tried everything but the car seat just wouldn't fit securely in my sexy car. On our way to the dealership I cried... wait, I didn't cry, I BAWLED! Of course I thought it was ridiculous that I was crying over a car, but I think what got me is what that car represented. My youth, independence, freedom of any real responsibility. I traded in my 2-door, moonroof, 4 disc CD changer, remote start fully loaded love machine for a 4-door, single CD player, power doors/windows mommy-mobile. Child locks, check. Car seat anchors, check, hot mom driving a somewhat un-hot car, check...

I cried the whole way home. That whole "hey, check out my new car" thing never crossed my mind. I wanted to hide from the fact that I was bringing a new life into this world and this new life would rule my life... forever... I'm very independent, always have been. The moment I actually took it in and saw the changes happening right before my eyes, I freaked.

Of course, now that he's here I could really care less what kind of car I drive. It runs well and is in good shape, who cares if it's a big ol' mommy-mobile! Did you have that moment? That one where you realized, "crap, my life is changing." What was it? I'm interested in your feedback!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Empty Canvas

There are so many things that metaphor can mean. Not in this case. This post is actually about an empty canvas. My husband has been working in the evening and the baby goes to take his evening nap around 6 so I sit here, bored... I need a hobby. I used to be very into art. Way back in high school I took drawing, painting, ceramics, you name it. I need some sort of creative outlet. My blog, sure that's great and I love it. But there's something about creating something out of nothing. Turning a block of clay into a story and transforming a blank sheet of paper into colorful conversation. I need that.

I looked around online and couldn't really find what I was looking for. I had hoped to be able to paint little figurines or something. My imagination has been at an all time low. If I had something to paint, I'd have to be able to think of something, right? Well, no such luck. So I ran off to JoAnn Fabric and got some canvas paper. I thought "maybe I'll just paint." Period. Knowing that would take a little imagination and creativity I was apprehensive to spend the ten treehouse dollars (that's a Now & Then reference!) on canvas paper.

Once we were home, baby went down for his evening nap and I started to attempt to tap into my creative roots. I stared. And stared. And stared some more at the black canvas in front of me. Nothing... Where did it go? Why at the supposed pinnacle of my life, where I have more than ever to be inspired about, I have nothing? I started looking around my house just to get ideas of shapes and lines and colors. Deciding to just go the abstract route, I mixed colors that would hopefully transform my canvas into a masterpiece. Red, orange, a little yellow, some brown to tone it down to an "earthy" hue. Everything I mixed looked like something I'd find in my son's diaper. EVERYTHING! Even the greens and blues, yellows and peach... all turned into a fecal color!

Maybe that's my inspiration. My baby touches every aspect of my life so all that will come out of my brain is literally, poop. Stay tuned for "Starry Night" the 'brown' version... NOT! (whoa did I just age myself by using "not" after a fictional sentence? At least I didn't say "PSYCH!")

Anyone have any ideas of fun things to make? I'd love some suggestions!

Wordless Wednesday: HAIR!

How does someone that young even have enough hair to do that??

Monday, July 13, 2009

Things That Freak Me Out

Motherhood comes with a sense of fearless leadership. Sometimes this sense is perceived to be far greater than it actually is. Moms can do it all, right? We aren't afraid of anything, right? I think if I'm going to be raising any kind of boy there are some things I'm going to need to get over...

1. The Dark - Yes, you heard me. I'm afraid of the dark, even at my own house. I don't like it. I always feel like there's going to be something creeping in the night ready to attack me. I prefer to have a little light. Just enough to let me know what's out there. The little lights on the DVR are good, just no total darkness. Could you imagine me running up the stairs two-by-two in the dark flailing my arms to find the hall light with a baby on my hip?

2. Spiders - I think this one is pretty common. My not-afraid-of-anything-husband has gotten me more used to the idea that if the spider is a size of a dime, I can kill it. Anything "juicy" looking, spider or not, will be avoided at all costs while I run away screaming like a school girl. That room is quarantined until the spider has been exterminated. Even spider webs are avoided. If there's a web, that means there must be a spider there or was there at one point, just waiting to come back a get me! I really hope I don't pass this on to my son... boys are supposed to like bugs, right?

3. Butts - I was a nurse aide at a nursing home for about two years, so you would think that my aversion to butts had faded. Not so much. It's weird. I can't put diaper cream on baby's butt with my bare hands. I just can't do it and I have no idea why. I always use a Q-tip... I'll grad boogers that are hanging. Catch his spit-up in my hand, but I will not touch his butt. In the almost 8 months I've been a mother I've never touched his butt with my bare hands...

4. Other people's hair - Not just anyone's hair freaks me out. It's the hair that falls into the sink at the mall restroom. The long strangly hair that's laying on a counter at the store. That's gross. Keep your hair to yourself. I'll pull the stragglers off my friend's blouse, but I will not pull the stragglers off the sink in a public bathroom. If you must fix your hair, please clean up after youself. Eww.

5. Chicken in packaged food - I'll eat chicken cubes or strips that come in packages. But I always seem to avoid the chunks of chicken that come in soups, frozen meals, and other packaged foods. You never know what part of the chicken that is. Sure, it may look like white meat but then you put it in your mouth and feel the gristly rubber. That's nasty. Still have to buy assorted chicken Lean Cuisines, but I always omit the three pieces of actual chicken that come in the box.

I know... I'm ridiculous...

Ode to Fingerfoods

Bananas are in my hair.
Bananas are on my chair.
Bananas are on my blouse.
Bananas are on my couch.
Would you like them everywhere?
Whould you like them in your hair?
Will you eat your bananas with your hands?
Instead of flinging them around like rubberbands?
Scraping bananas off the floor.
Scraping bananas off the door.
Nap time now so go to bed
While I scrape bananas off my head.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Wordless Wendesday: First Time at the Playground

Since this is my first WW, I thought it'd be appropriate to share the excitement of one of our recent "firsts." Taken with my phone so it's a little "grainy."

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Creepjob at the Playground

I recently added the joys of taking the baby to the playground to the list of things that are fun now but will sooner or later drive me nuts. He just loves the swings! He seemed sleepy when I got home so I fed him then took him out in the hopes that the fresh air would eventually knock him out!

While we were playing "I'm gonna get your feet, " I noticed a man walking around. He started over by the smaller jungle gym and worked his way over to the big kid swings. I didn't notice if he was with a child or not because he was just kind of walking around looking in no particular direction with a look of what seemed to be confusion... Then I looked around- where are all of the parents!?!? The park was packed with little league games, people lounging in the pool, but there was literally one parent at the playground... There were over 20 kids there, where were they're parents? I know I used to go to the playground when I was younger - but not by myself until I was at least 10 or 11. These days I'm not sure I would even let my kid go to the playground by himself (with friends of course) at that age. There are too many creepy people out there just waiting to take you child!

Anyway, back to the creepjob at the playground. He was looking around and turning his back in such a way that made him seem like none of the children on the playground "belonged" to him. He was just there checking everyone out. I kept my eye on him. What if he was some kid's dad or uncle? How would I know? He made his way over to the swings. There was young boy swinging three swings over from him. Then two. Then one. I turned my head for a moment so I wouldn't appear to be the creepy one, then the kid was gone... but the man was still wandering around. I then spotted the creepster over by the bigger jungle gym. The boy was playing. Then the boy was gone, but the man still lingered. Eventually they met up again at the big kid swings. It was time for us to get home, but I couldn't leave until I knew this man wasn't going to offer some candy from his van... The boy hopped off the swing grabbed the man's hand and off they went...

Am I paranoid? Perhaps this really was the boy's non-creepy guardian... I kept asking myself if I should ask the boy if he's here with his parents or something, but then I was afraid that I would appear to be the creepy one. For your reference, here's a small checklist of Donts to avoid looking like the creepjob at the playground:

  1. Don't wander around staring or appear to be staring at other peoples' children
  2. Don't hover over your child in a creepy manner. Stay within sight, maybe by the other parent (yes, that was singular) on the bench.
  3. Don't turn your back on who appears to be your child repeatedly. This makes it look like you're nonchalant trying to offer him creepy candy in your creepy van.
  4. And finally: Don't drive a camo-painted, windowless Astro Van. We live in the city of Cleveland. No one is going to mistake your creepy kiddie-candy-mobile as brush in the forest.

Still Nothing?

After two weeks of waiting... still not sleep study results. I called the doctor's office today to find out if I could get in for a follow up and guess what. The next available appointment isn't until OCTOBER!!!! What's the point of that?

I feel like such a hypochondriac. I'm constantly on the web diagnosing myself with all kinds of weird diseases. It's not that I want something to be wrong with me... I just want be to able to treat me sleepiness. It's not normal. No healthy 25 year old should be so extremely exhausted for no reason. When I went to the doctor about a year and a half ago, she said that we may need to think outside the box as far as diagnoses go. Then she said the word (or acronym) MS. Severe fatigue along with some of my other symptoms could point toward Multiple Sclerosis. These other symptoms are pretty annoying and I did't think anything of it until she uttered those words... Clumsiness, running into things, not being able to speak properly... those are all some early signs. I felt like sometimes my tongue was too lazy to say my name properly. It was very weird. I'd have this painful tingly sensation in my arm - nothing made it better but it eventually went away. These things come and go... But she mentioned that over a year ago and who knows where my medical dilemma will lead me to next. All I know is that I'm ready to think outside the box!

Looks like I may go another 10 years without sleep.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Good News, Bad News

Good news: my bridesmaids dress fits for my sister-in-law's wedding. I was 9 months pregnant and had gained 85 pounds when we ordered it. I got a size bigger just incase. Bad news: I have to have it taken in an entire size.

Good news: my baby is getting really good at picking up small objects. He's moved up to eating a lot of finger foods now further promoting his dexterity. Bad news: He's now eating things off the floor forcing me to vaccuum more often.

Good news: got more clients at work this week. I'll have the potential to make more money. Bad news: there are only so many hours I can stay at work. Hubby works till 8 and the baby needs to be picked up by 5:30 hence limiting my potential for more money...