Things That Freak Me Out

Motherhood comes with a sense of fearless leadership. Sometimes this sense is perceived to be far greater than it actually is. Moms can do it all, right? We aren't afraid of anything, right? I think if I'm going to be raising any kind of boy there are some things I'm going to need to get over...

1. The Dark - Yes, you heard me. I'm afraid of the dark, even at my own house. I don't like it. I always feel like there's going to be something creeping in the night ready to attack me. I prefer to have a little light. Just enough to let me know what's out there. The little lights on the DVR are good, just no total darkness. Could you imagine me running up the stairs two-by-two in the dark flailing my arms to find the hall light with a baby on my hip?

2. Spiders - I think this one is pretty common. My not-afraid-of-anything-husband has gotten me more used to the idea that if the spider is a size of a dime, I can kill it. Anything "juicy" looking, spider or not, will be avoided at all costs while I run away screaming like a school girl. That room is quarantined until the spider has been exterminated. Even spider webs are avoided. If there's a web, that means there must be a spider there or was there at one point, just waiting to come back a get me! I really hope I don't pass this on to my son... boys are supposed to like bugs, right?

3. Butts - I was a nurse aide at a nursing home for about two years, so you would think that my aversion to butts had faded. Not so much. It's weird. I can't put diaper cream on baby's butt with my bare hands. I just can't do it and I have no idea why. I always use a Q-tip... I'll grad boogers that are hanging. Catch his spit-up in my hand, but I will not touch his butt. In the almost 8 months I've been a mother I've never touched his butt with my bare hands...

4. Other people's hair - Not just anyone's hair freaks me out. It's the hair that falls into the sink at the mall restroom. The long strangly hair that's laying on a counter at the store. That's gross. Keep your hair to yourself. I'll pull the stragglers off my friend's blouse, but I will not pull the stragglers off the sink in a public bathroom. If you must fix your hair, please clean up after youself. Eww.

5. Chicken in packaged food - I'll eat chicken cubes or strips that come in packages. But I always seem to avoid the chunks of chicken that come in soups, frozen meals, and other packaged foods. You never know what part of the chicken that is. Sure, it may look like white meat but then you put it in your mouth and feel the gristly rubber. That's nasty. Still have to buy assorted chicken Lean Cuisines, but I always omit the three pieces of actual chicken that come in the box.

I know... I'm ridiculous...