Letter From the Cook

Dear Husband Who Will Never Read This,

I am 99% certain you will never see this post that is why I chose to vent here, to my beloved readers, so I don't explode in your face over something seemingly small.

When I cook dinner, please at least give me some inkling of a hint that it was appreciated. I know that you don't mind that I don't cook everyday, but when I do it would be great if I could get a "thanks, that was good." Even if it wasn't. Just lie. Lie through your teeth.

When you come home from work in the evening and Joshua is screaming his little head off because I'm preparing your meal and not playing with him, please feel free to take him up to bed. You get home at 8:00 from work, which is perfect timing for a trip up to bed. You're going up to shower anyway, can't you take the baby with you?

I'm yelling "Joshua, no!" for a reason. This is because he likes to play in the coffee filters, canned goods, pots, pans, etc. He's even been in the potato bag today. When I'm running from the counter to chop the onion then washing my hands to grab the baby before he puts a dust bunny he found somewhere in his mouth, please say "it's time for bed, don't worry, I'll take him up." That would be grand.

When I yell up that dinner is ready (which is honestly 10 minutes before it's actually ready because I know you will do this), please respond audibly. So I can hear you. If you're upstairs, don't shake your head. Don't wait 3 minutes and then answer because by then I'll have forgotten what I asked you when you say "ok."

Five minutes later when I tell you that dinner is ready, please come down. Please make the effort to remove your eyeballs that are seemingly glued to ESPN and pry your buttcheeks off the couch to come devour my fabulous meal I worked so hard on.

One minute after that, please don't get an attitude with me when I get pissy because I've been telling you that dinner is ready four thousand times.

I don't cook dinner because I feel like I have to. I cook dinner because I want to do something for you. Please take a second to consider that.

There will be a quiz. No open notes.

Love,

The Cook
aka Your Wife